


dear victor

by rire



Series: st. petersburg's favourite family of three [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, blame victor, he brings out the sap in me, this is really sappy i'm sorry!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-16 14:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10573185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rire/pseuds/rire
Summary: It’s the corner of a small metal box. Victor tugs it out from under the pile of Victor posters. The gold paint has been chipped in many places, but unlike the posters, many of which were covered in a thin layer of dust, the box looks like it had recently been used. On the surface, a sticky note, ripped at the edges, reads simply:Do not open.Victor opens it.Post-canon St. Petersburg domestic fluff. While helping Yuuri move in, Victor finds and reads through a box of letters Yuuri had been writing to him since childhood.





	

For the past few days, the boxes have been Victor’s self-appointed nemesis. He’s spent more time glaring at the boxes, hoping to somehow intimidate them to tidy themselves up, than actually helping unpack. The time that he doesn’t spend looking at the boxes, he spends making eyes at Yuuri, who is actually unpacking.

“You’re so hardworking. That’s what I love about you, Yuuri,” Victor coos into the crook of Yuuri’s neck, all pale, soft skin that glows in the afternoon sun streaming in from the windows. He presses a few more open-mouthed kisses there for good measure. Yuuri squirms and makes a noise somewhere between a moan and an exasperated sigh.

“If you love me, then help me with these,” Yuuri says. “They’re not going to unpack themselves.”

See, it’s not that Victor wants to be irresponsible, no. He’s not frustrated at the thought of helping organize the house. God knows he’d cut off his left leg if it made Yuuri happy. He’s simply frustrated at how much of Yuuri’s time the stupid boxes are taking up. When Yuuri arrived in St. Petersburg, he expected to be able to cuddle with Yuuri for twenty-four straight hours and recharge on all the Yuuri he missed, but what really happened was that Yuuri had unpacked for twenty-four straight hours (though they did share a cuddly nap that was shorter than Victor would’ve liked).

“I did help earlier,” Victor counters.

“You put away two cups,” Yurio says from the corner of the couch where he’s curled up like a cat, laying on his side against the armrest and tapping away at his phone.

“Tell Otabek I said hi,” Victor says airily, and Yurio grits out a noise of embarrassed frustration that proves Victor was correct in his assumption.

Yuuri takes advantage of the moment in which Victor is distracted to pry himself out of Victor’s grasp. “Man, I’m hungry. I’m going to make lunch now. Victor, can you bring this one upstairs to our room?” He taps the side of one of the last cardboard boxes as he gets up and makes his way over to the kitchen.

 _Our room,_ Victor thinks, and sits there immersed in the joyful bliss of Yuuri’s phrasing. Their room. Their shared space, their shared life together. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the wellspring of happiness constantly bursting and bubbling in his chest anew with every little thing Yuuri says and does.

“Even _I’m_ starting to feel bad for Katsudon,” Yurio grumbles. “You’re a horrible fiancé, you know that?”

“You’re right, Yurio. I’m sure that at the ripe old age of fifteen you know all about what it takes to be a good fiancé.”

“You know Vitya,” Yuuri’s voice cuts in from the kitchen, “the faster we get this over with, the more time we can spend together.”

Victor picks up the box and dashes upstairs.

 

-

 

The box, as fate would have it, turns out to be full of Victor Nikiforov memorabilia. Yuuri, who had labelled most of the boxes but forgot to label this one, perhaps failed to realize what it was before handing it over to Victor. Still, looking through the contents, Victor is suddenly bursting with energy and adoration. Ten minutes later he’s put up his favourite posters of himself on the walls, a framed photo of himself and Makkachin by the bedside table, and even borrowed one of Yuuri’s photo frames to display a photo of the two of them sightseeing in Barcelona. Ever the clever interior designer, he leaves some empty space on the wall for Yuuri Katsuki merchandise as well as their future wedding photos. He’s staring at one of the many long-haired posters from his senior debut, wondering if he should grow out his hair again because Yuuri seemed to like it a lot, when something gold catches his eye.

It’s the corner of a small metal box. Victor tugs it out from under the pile of Victor posters. The gold paint has been chipped in many places, but unlike the posters, many of which were covered in a thin layer of dust, the box looks like it had recently been used. On the surface, a sticky note, ripped at the edges, reads simply: _Do not open._

Victor opens it.

A shower of loose-leaf papers, neatly folded, flutter to the floor like feathers. Victor inspects them closely and realizes they are labelled by date. He arranges them in a neat line in chronological order, wondering if he should read backwards, out of sequence like the Star Wars movies, or in chronological order. He decides on chronological order, reaching for the earliest date and opening it carefully.

He reads.

 

-

 

November 31, 2004

 

Dear Victor,

 

Hello. My name is Yuuri Katsuki. I am eleven years old. I am in the fifth grade. I am writing to you because for homework our teacher said we have to write to an imaginary pen pal. I chose you because I saw you on TV and I think you are beautiful and amazing. But I will not really mail this to you because I am very shy. It took me fifteen minutes to write all this. My face is still red. I hope I am not boring you.

I will tell you more about me. I live in Japan in a town called Hasetsu. My family owns a hot springs hotel and they are very kind. I love my mom and my dad and Minako-sensei and my friend Yuuko and her friend Nishigori even though he makes fun of me sometimes. Me and Yuuko and Nishigori skate together and it is very fun. I love to skate just like you. Of course, you are way better than me.

I want to know more about you. Do you have a mom and a dad and friends to skate with? I heard you have a dog. I saw it in a magazine that Yuuko showed me. I want to get a dog too. My birthday just passed, but I will ask my mom for one as a Christmas present and if she says yes I will name it after you.

It is winter so I hope you stay warm because even though it is cold in Japan it is even colder in Russia, or at least that’s what I heard. So wear a lot of jackets. Maybe you can wear your long hair as a scarf. Talk to you soon.

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

“Oh my God,” Victor whispers to himself, covering his mouth with his hands. “Oh my _God._ ”

All of these— were they _all_ letters to him? Affection blooms in his chest as, slowly, suddenly aware of a certain fragility in the air, he reaches for the next letter.

 

-

 

December 24, 2004

 

Dear Victor,

 

I got Vicchan today! I’m so, so, so happy. I love him so much. Sorry, I got excited and forgot to explain. Vicchan is my poodle. His name is actually Victor. I named him after you like I promised. He is so soft and I love hugging him. I want Vicchan and Makkachin to meet someday! I want to meet you, too. I have never told anyone this, but my dream is to skate with you on the ice someday. I’m embarrassed just writing that, but it’s true. I have been practicing my skating very hard lately. My mom is worried because I fell a lot of times, but I think you can never get better unless you fall. Even though I say that, I can’t imagine you falling, not even once.

I hope you are doing well and continue to stay warm. And also, I know that tomorrow, Christmas Day, is your birthday, so I wanted to wish you a happy early birthday. I hope all your wishes come true. I hope you have a delicious cake and share it with your family and friends and Makkachin. Can dogs eat cake? I don’t know. I will have to ask my mom so I don’t feed Vicchan the wrong food by accident. That would be very bad for his health.

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

 _Of course I’ve fallen before,_ Victor thinks. _I fell for you, didn’t I? I fall for you every single day._

At the end of the letter, a memory of steamed buns intrudes into Victor’s mind, one that he pushes away. He hears the sound of Yuuri cooking downstairs and realizes his time is limited. He skips ahead and picks up a letter from a couple years later.

 

-

 

February 9, 2006

 

Dear Victor,

 

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I should stop writing these, to be honest. I didn’t have any reason to keep writing to you after the semester ended, but I continued writing to you, like a diary. It’ll be our little secret.

Speaking of secrets, today I’m writing to you about something I don’t think I can tell anybody else. The other day, some of my female classmates at school were talking about how to tell if they like someone. They were reading a page from a magazine, and it had a bunch of criteria. Like for instance, the person makes your heart race. When you’re daydreaming, they’re the first person who comes to mind. You want to do things like hold their hand or maybe even kiss them. And I realized that I never felt that way about anybody. Maybe Yuuko, for a little while, but not anymore. I think she likes Nishigori, anyway. But the only person I feel that way for is you. I think you’re so beautiful, Victor. The way you skate is like music. But not just your skating. Whenever I think about you my face feels hot. I want to hold your hand and kiss you… but you don’t even know me.

I’m so sorry. This must sound so creepy. But I don’t know who else to talk to about this, and I had to get it off my chest. I guess I’m comfortable writing this here because you’ll never know. I’m sure this will all pass someday.

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

Victor’s hands are literally shaking. He feels like his heart is going to leap right out of his chest, and he’s positive that the tips of his ears are red. The sounds of pots and pans clinking downstairs jolts him back to reality. He skips ahead, eager to see how long Yuuri’s crush had lasted, and reads.

 

-

 

April 7, 2011

 

Dear Victor,

 

I passed my entrance exams. I’ll be heading to Detroit for college, and to train even harder for skating, which is really exciting. As I expected, Nishigori gave Yuuko his second button and confessed. I think the two of them will be very happy together in the future.

So I heard you won a gold medal again. Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t even know why I tried to play it cool. I watched your free skate ten times in a row. I might have cried a little bit. I don’t know how you do it. Every time you skate, every quad you land perfectly, tugs at my heartstrings like nothing else does. You’ve literally charmed the entire world at this point. I can’t wait to skate on the same ice as you one day. I hope it isn’t creepy of me to have held on to my childhood dream all this time. But I’ll have to put that on the backburner for now and focus on college. I’m worried about leaving Vicchan behind; I hope he won’t miss me too much. I’ll miss him for sure. Just like I’ll miss my parents, but they’ll be okay. They’ve always been a lot better at being positive and keeping their heads up than I am. I hope my new roommate doesn’t mind all my posters of you. Though I’m already leaving behind a good half of them here in my childhood home out of consideration for them. I thought of not bringing any, but I just can’t fall asleep without you on the wall. God, I sound like some lovestruck preteen girl… I’ll leave off here before I embarrass myself further.

It’s summer soon, so I hope you get a chance to relax amidst your busy practice schedule. But don’t be out in the sun too much. Your skin is pale, so I’m worried that you’ll burn easily. Now I’m going to finish packing for Detroit and very determinedly not think about you in a speedo.

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

Victor very determinedly thinks about Yuuri in a speedo.

He looks at the dates on the letters, which have grown less frequent. Two, perhaps three, written per year. The side effect of growing up, he muses, is losing interest in your childhood idol. He opens up another letter.

 

-

 

June 29, 2015

 

Dear Victor,

 

Unlike my other roommates over the years, my new roommate doesn’t mind the posters. Or the framed photos. Or the body pillow. Actually, I think Phichit’s got to be the coolest guy I’ve ever met. He skates, too— we go to the same rink and train under the same coach, actually— and he’s from Thailand. He took me to a Thai restaurant a couple months ago, and the food was amazing. Even though I always preferred to stay at home or skate, I feel like I’m getting to know the world through Phichit because he takes me everywhere.

Last week Phichit took me to pole dancing lessons. Can you believe it? Me, doing pole dancing? Apparently, the dance instructor said I’m a natural. Phichit thinks so, too, and he insisted that we go back every week, so I guess we’ll be there again. Also, yesterday he took me to a party and I actually had so much fun. I met a lot of cool people. There was a pretty girl who kept looking at me, and I thought she hated me at first until she came right up to me and kissed me. She gave me her number on a slip of paper, but I kind of accidentally lost it on purpose. I’m not sure why.

My head’s starting to hurt. I think I’m still a little hungover. I’m going to go take some aspirin now. You take it easy too, okay? I know you’ve been practicing hard, but I hope you get some time to yourself. I hope you meet a cute girl or a cute boy at a party. Do skaters have parties?

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

_Body pillow. He had a body pillow. Of me._

Victor had to sit and ruminate on that for a good five minutes before snapping back to reality and reading the rest of the letter. He smiles to himself, finding an unexpected sense of joy and fulfilment in learning about Yuuri— in reading, in Yuuri’s own quirky, refreshingly honest voice, his account of the events and relationships in his life. The letters filled in the gaps of what Victor had yet to discover about him, and yet only furthered his fascination. And, well, in a very unnecessarily vindictive way, he feels a bit of glee at the fact that Yuuri hadn’t called back the girl the party. Even if he had, Victor knows he would still have crossed paths with Yuuri, and the two of them would still have ended up gravitating towards each other. Still, he wonders if Yuuri ever experimented with anyone else, and… how far they had gone.

He shakes those thoughts away. Judging by the time, lunch is almost ready, and he probably has time for two more. He reaches for the second last letter, heart pounding with anticipation.

 

-

 

May 13, 2016

 

Dear Victor,

 

I did it. I did it! I’m going to skate on the same ice as you. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it… I feel like I could cry with joy.

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

There’s only one letter left, and Victor braces himself for heartbreak, knowing it might hold a somber tone depending on when and where it was written. Still, he opens it rather forcefully. _It’ll all be okay in the end, Yuuri,_ he tells himself.

 

-

 

December 12, 2016

 

Dear Victor,

 

This is going to be the last letter I ever write to you.

I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and my family and friends have never stopped supporting me. For that, I’m grateful. But I fucked up. I fucked it all up. I couldn’t even look at you, Victor. A commemorative photo? I don’t deserve to stand next to you even for that. I never deserved to be on the same ice as you.

I’m sorry, Mom, Dad. Minako-sensei, Yuuko, Nishigori. Vicchan… I’m sorry I never got to see you for the last time.

Victor… I hope you’ll continue to shine just as bright. When I get home, I’m going to burn all these letters and forget about you.

 

Yours truly,

Yuuri

 

-

 

He doesn’t know he’s crying until a droplet of water hits the page, blurring Yuuri’s pencil handwriting. Hastily, he wipes his eyes with the back of his sleeve and sniffles. He doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching until the shattering of a mug against the floor makes him jump out of his skin and whip his head around to see Yuuri standing in the doorway.

The look of shell-shocked horror on Yuuri’s face is too much to bear. The contents of the now-shattered mug on the floor spread across the carpet— the light brown of mostly-cream-with-a-hint-of-coffee, made the way Victor likes it. He had come upstairs to give Victor a cup of coffee for taking ten minutes to tidy up their shared home, and yet again Victor had shirked his duties. Guilt churns in his stomach, and he gets to his feet. “Yuuri,” he tries to explain. “I— I was putting things away, and—”

“And the box labelled _Do not open_ just opened itself,” Yuuri says. Victor recognizes the quiet coldness of anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” Victor says. “I’m really sorry, Yuuri. I was curious. I shouldn’t have opened it.” He crosses the distance between the two of them and embraces Yuuri in a tight hug. Before he can stop himself, the words tumble out. “I should have respected your privacy. But when I opened one I just couldn’t stop reading. I had no idea about any of this, about how you felt about me…” He felt Yuuri stiffen, felt Yuuri’s face heat up, and only held him tighter. “All the things I missed while we were busy living separate lives… I wish I could’ve gotten to meet you sooner. I wish I could’ve told you how much I admire _your_ skating and how worthy you are. I wish you never had to go through that— thinking you were a failure, I—” The tears soak through Yuuri’s shirt.

“Victor,” Yuuri says, his body relaxing into a sigh. He grabs Victor’s arms gently and pulls him away to look into his eyes. “It isn’t your fault. Besides, it’s okay now. We have each other now.”

“Yuuri,” Victor all but cries, and buries his face into Yuuri’s shoulder again. “I love you, Yuuri. I love you so much.”

“I should be the one crying right now,” Yuuri laughs nervously. “All my secrets are out! Now you know how weird I was as a kid.”

Victor pulls back and grins wetly up at Yuuri. “If it’s weird to be a little obsessed with the person you love,” he singsongs, “then I don’t ever want to be normal.”

Yuuri smacks Victor’s bicep. “Stop it, you sap.” And then— “Are those _posters?_ Of _you?_ On our _walls?”_

“Every room needs a few works of art for decoration,” Victor jokes.

“Ah, I guess so,” Yuuri says nonchalantly, and Victor goes red.

“Yuuri! You can’t just say that,” Victor protests, face hot. “That’s not fair.”

Yuuri only smiles in response, a casual, secretive smile. “You were the one who said it.” And no, there’s no way Victor will ever get used to this— the feeling of knowing that Yuuri's heart burns just as passionately for Victor as Victor’s does for him, knowing Yuuri has felt this way since _forever_ ago. Every time Yuuri admits it offhandedly, it’s like a direct strike to Victor’s heart, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to live much longer. Then again, if this is the way he goes down, then so be it.

They have three more boxes left to unpack, a home-cooked lunch to eat, spilled coffee to clean up, and thirteen years’ worth of letters to talk about. But in that moment, Victor can’t do anything but press his lips to Yuuri’s. Soft, warm, inviting as always. “Mm, Victor,” Yuuri half-protests with habitual irritation.

“I’ll be good and unbox everything, I promise,” Victor says, muffled into Yuuri’s mouth, and he means it. “You won’t have to lift a finger. Just let me have this. Please?”

Yuuri sighs and wraps his arms defeatedly around the back of Victor’s neck. He’s too good for Victor, really.

“I’m going to eat all your goddamn food if you don’t come downstairs,” a voice shouts at Victor from downstairs. Then, for emphasis, he makes a series of loud chewing noises.

In response, Victor makes out with Yuuri very loudly.

 

-

 

“By the way,” Victor says, that night, naked skin pressed flush to Yuuri’s as they nestle under the covers, “do you still have that body pillow?”

Yuuri flushes the precise shade of a tomato. “I wasn’t going to bring that box, you know. The box of all my merchandise of— _you_. I didn’t even know what was inside. I asked my mom to keep it in my old room in Japan, but she must have gotten mixed up and put it with all the stuff that was shipped here.”

“Oh,” Victor says. “That explains it. But that doesn’t answer my question.”

Yuuri hides his face in the pillow. “You didn’t finish unboxing it, did you?” He pauses. “I took out the stuffing. The pillowcase is at the bottom.”

Then, very promptly, Yuuri shoves the pillow into Victor’s face to muffle Victor’s squeals of delight.

 

-

 

January 2, 2018

 

Dear Vitya,

 

Surprise! I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, haha. You’re still sleeping soundly as I write this. When I woke up I saw you and thought about how lucky I am to be here with you. You know… ~~Never mind, forget it~~ ~~I don’t know why I’m writing this~~ I could never say it to your face, but you are beautiful after all this time. The more I get to know you, the more I think so. I’m always learning new things that make me ~~li~~ ~~lo~~ love you even more. It’s so embarrassing to write this when I know you’re going to be reading it because I’m going to leave this on the bedside table for you. It’s kind of hard for me to say things like “I love you” out loud, so I wanted to write it down but I got carried away…

Anyways, breakfast is ready. I know you get cranky in the morning and we ran out of instant coffee  ~~because you forgot to buy it when I asked you to~~ so I hope this letter will perk you up a little bit. Please hurry downstairs before the food gets cold.

 

Yours truly, always and forever,  
Yuuri

**Author's Note:**

> i miss... victuuri.... so much. season 2 when??? my crops are dying and i have a family to feed so i have no choice but to harvest my own fluffy domestic victuuris for survival
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/redbeantofu) | [tumblr](http://lotorlance.tumblr.com)


End file.
